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My Stupid 2015 Outback! (Sarcasm Thread)

10K views 43 replies 25 participants last post by  AkitaGuy 
#1 · (Edited)
I've had my Stupid 2015 Outback since January, and boy do I just hate it!
The tires are too black, and who the heck puts 18 inch rims on such a car?!
The paint is abysmal! The hue of the blue is just so, blue, and lacks the grey tones I really wanted in a blue paint...
Everything I look at on the dash is just too small to see. I just realized yesterday the dang thing has a clock and outside thermometer, after looking everything over with my magnifying glass. The glass cracked after being hit by a rock, I figure it'll break again, very soon...
I can't believe Subaru could produce such a car, that while driving, I CAN HERE THE WIND!!! WTF is up Subaru???!!!
The engines oil HAS to be changed, the windshield washer fluid has the audacity to need filling up occasionally, and to add insult to injury, it takes more than a gallon to fill it up. Who in the heck makes a car with such a large windshield washer tank?
The doors don't automatically lock, making me push the annoying button on the door to get them to lock myself.
Eyesight costs extra, and after using it I get scared, and have to turn it off...
Adaptive cruise control causes me to become complacent and tired, thus making me fall asleep on my commute. The only thing that wakes me up is the noise from some jerk crashing their car behind me because my piece of crap car follows the traffic speed and slows or stops while I'm sleeping...
The stupid power lift gate won't open nor close unless I press the button just right, who does that? Right???!!!
Stupid keyless entry won't automatically lock when I just walk away from the stupid car. Instead, I have to rub my finger on the handle, or dig in my pocket for the fob and press a button, sooo stupid...
The dang infotainment system screen is too big, the Sat/Nav won't take me to everywhere in North America, and it speaks too much! When I don't know where I'm going, the last thing I need is a friggin woman telling me where to go!
I can't watch videos on the screen while driving. When else would I be watching videos other than while driving? Duhhh...
The leather seats are so uncomfortable, I have to plan a stop at my chiropractor or E/R during any distance drive.
Why would Subaru dare to include the Sirus/XM tuner, so we'd go insane trying to figure out if we want to pay for it or not...
The H6 is a gass guzzler and burns oil. the H4 is anemic and makes noise while running. The CVT does odd things to make the car go.
Did I mention the horrid noise I hear while driving? You're not supposed to hear the wind anytime...
The dang steering is so sensitive, unless it's a day when it's so vague...
The dang thing sits way too high off the ground. Unless it's a day when I think Subaru lost its mind and didn't raise it off the ground enough.
Oh, and lets not forget the tiny hair on the hood, it's in litigation. I don't have a picture of it, but it was there, really...
OMG! Why did I buy this car!!!


Chime in if I missed anything...
 
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#3 ·
Thanks for the belly laugh, really. Reminds me how much I miss more episodes of Seinfeld. Feels good to be able to laugh at myself. Like you said, it's sarcasm so there's a little bit of truth in everything you said. If Subaru addressed every point you made they still wouldn't produce the perfect car, but they would score 100% on every customer sat survey. Great stuff. Thanks.
 
#5 ·
You rolled up several threads into a few paragraphs. Guess we can close those other ones down now :D

Sadly I have no complaints. Would I like some things different? Sure, but nothing to really complain about. More like nit picking type things. This is my first Subaru and couldn't be more pleased thus far.
 
#13 ·
OMG! Why did I buy this car!!!


Chime in if I missed anything...
You obviously forgot that the HEADRESTS ARE TOO FAR FORWARD and makes it extremely uncomfortable to be sitting in the front seats. Also the LUMBAR SUPPORT IS FAR TOO STIFF and your back complains vociferously each time you sit in the front seat. I think that just about covers it but give me time and I will think of more. :)
 
#17 ·
If you think that's bad, the cacophony of power door lock activation will lesson your mid frequency hearing by up to 7.71 percent each time, especially when driving through canyons. This is a documented fact.
This is why there's no auto-locking doors, folks... Subaru was advised about the liability...
 
#23 · (Edited)
Chime in if I missed anything...
Mine doesn't rev fast enough when i start it. i want instant hot in my catalytic converter.

It shifts too fast when going from reverse to drive -- especially in the cold weather. I want it to be slow enough that I can at least finish the crossword puzzle or the funnies.

The floor mats are too good and under priced. Absolutely no snow or ice have ever gotten on the wonderful, plush carpeting.
 
#28 ·
Let's not forget that annoying delay between reverse and drive. I really don't have that second to spare...
 
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#30 ·
Oh, and how could I forget the fact that I have to put oil, with the viscosity of green tea, into my car. Or the engine won't run and the warranty is void. In the mean time, the engine burns almost as much oil as gasoline...
 
#36 ·
I feel ya. I wash my other car by hand cause I really don't trust anyone to be as careful and thorough as I am, so it takes a long time and I'm pissed when it rains and gets it dirty. I'm hoping when my 2016 OB is delivered, I'll be willing to trust it with a hand car wash. The main reason for ordering white is it doesn't show swirls like the darker colors and it looks nice too. I can get a good hand car wash in ATL for $20.
 
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